The Pastor's Wife:
I am sharing these 2 letters from Pastors Wives.
A Letter from - FRUSTRATIONS FROM A PASTOR'S WIFE
I hate this life. I was never asked or given any input. I never am. I better obey or I’ll be punished bc Sarah called Abraham lord and I need to be like her. I played along for too long. It is so bad that I just feel like going to heaven is the best option and leaving this all behind. He blames me for everything the ministry not growing it’s my fault, the house not clean it’s my fault, we don’t have money it’s my fault. I so want to leave. I try to share my feelings with him he never understands and I’m so confused and crazy don’t know what I’m talking about I’m shut down and told I need to obey him bc he is the husband. He treats me like an object only hugs me when he wants sex. Only tells me nice things when he’s getting sex. He undermines me in front of the children all the time. He thinks because he is the husband and godly male in his family that everyone disobeys him and won’t get blessed bc we don’t do what he says. I can’t seek out to do anything I like unless he approves it and has to do it for me. He pretends to give me options only to override them and then tell me I have to do what he says bc he is the husband and the wife should seek to do whatever the husband’s call is. He belittles me shakes his head at me. If I say anything around his family or his boss then he gives me demeaning looks and will not speak to me for days, only if he has to preach the next day. He always angry and never satisfied with me. I better not be too tired to not get the children dressed or dinner or else I’m a low down dirty shame. And he compares my every move with his upbringing and how his grandmother and mom did things and I better not even try to implement anything from my side bc they don’t know what they are doing bc they have an education or jobs. It hurts. He’ll ignore me until it’s time for him to preach. Then the next day the treatment starts all over again. He tells me I need to shut up and go pray and read my Bible. I feel so complex bc I don’t want to even be close to God bc I feel like He is constantly punishing me and then he’ll rub it in my face when I’m faced with sickness and I haven’t had a job in ten years and it’s bc of what I don’t do for him and what he tells me. . I took a stand (I tried to). I’m not doing anymore for the church administratively he doesn’t appreciate anything I do. But when I seek out counsel he plays it off and acts like he so respectful and “I’m not the problem” but yet he isolates me and throws it in my face when he’s mad which is all the time so I’ll never reach out again bc I know I’ll be shamed for it. He makes sure to laugh and tickle and play with the children to make sure I know he is happy without me. And he is the pastor, I am the wife and I’m not taking that from him anymore-this is what I think but I’m so weak and don’t have my own identity. I’ve been punished so if he wants to throw that I’m cursed around then let it be so. I don’t have anyone to talk to. He fixes his messages to make sure he puts me in my place and let me know I am only the wife and they are to be submissive. It hurts so much I question if God even loves me. I really don’t even know. I turn to Him but I know my bitterness and disappointment won’t allow him to be close to be close to him. Yet if you see me I smile and put on a happy face bc it’s my job but I’ll keep trying. Sometimes I need validation that I am enough. We haven’t been on a date in 5 years bc the childre can’t go with anyone bc he is the father and can’t nobody watch his children. Those are his children and they do what he says or else. He makes sure to remind me of this. He has a skill to find scriptures to make me feel bad and never takes ownership of being a scriptural husband but only in a way that is comical and not serious. I’ve had enough and I’m asking for prayer with me. My hope is so dim. I can’t tell anyone or else I’ll be labeled weak and won’t be lifted up like the other pastors wives. I don’t want to be But it makes him look good so I’ll try to keep making him look good.So confusing.
A reply letter from a fellow pastor's wife to FRUSTRATIONS FROM A PASTOR'S WIFE says
My heart is breaking for you… to bear the abuse of a supposed “man of God” is such a difficult position…. and that is what it is… abuse. I am married to a pastor and struggle with depression and my husband having time, compassion, and understanding for everyone that asks for it except me. I start to think I am the problem, I am a failure, and everyone would be better off without me… That is a lie of Satan I listen and believe more often then I should. Truth is… my husband is a sinner, your husband is a sinner… We must learn not to look at our husbands to determine our worth, but just our Father in heaven whose love know no bounds! It is so hard to remember as we can become isolated and our spiritual life suffers. Your husband is not being held accountable for his sins and abuse. He has a false understanding of God’s Word and how a husband is to treat a wife. Please find someone outside your church to speak to and confide in. Stay in scripture so you will not be fooled by you husband’s lies and twisting of our Lord’s words. Focus on serving as God calls you, as a mother, wife, and your service for Him in the church(as you feel led) Though man may judge, the Lord only sees you as PERFECT because he sees you through the sacrifice of Jesus. He may allow us to go through difficult times, but it is not out of punishment. Sadly hard times are there because there is sin in this world, and we will not be rid of them until God calls us to Him. I prayed for you this evening for the Lord to give you comfort, strength, guidance, and that you can place your hope and faith in God to carry you. God Bless you.